Polyamory, having simultaneous close emotional and sexual relationships with two or more other individuals, is increasingly being profiled as acceptable, especially since same-sex marriage has become increasingly normal in western societies. The polyandrous relationships may be straight, gay, lesbian, or bi-sexual, but having multiple stable partners is difficult to achieve.
According to the “poly” subculture, this is not about swinging, cheating or kinky sex. It’s not just a fling or a phrase to them. “It’s an identity. They want to show that polyamory can be a viable alternative to monogamy, even for middle-class, suburban families with children, jobs and house notes.” Instead of following the Bible principles of marriage, they are trying to promote the idea that “everyone has the right to develop a relationship structure that works for them.”
Polyamorists admit that it’s not for everyone. It takes a lot of work dealing with jealousy and other emotions and problems related to having multiple partners. They also face disapproval of neighbors, family and co-workers. So, like the LGBT community, of which this is yet another variation, they want identity and recognition and ultimately acceptance. They want to change their status quo. So, some have started to talk to the media, march in parades and praise the idea of being “poly” as an acceptable social behavior. “Someday, they want to challenge laws that criminalize adultery and cohabitation.”
“We want to promote the idea that any relationship is valid as long as it is a choice made by consenting adults,” said one polyamorist. “In this regard, and as in most things, promoting public acceptance is the first step.”
And they try to make it sound good. “Polyamory is the nonpossessive, honest, responsible and ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously,” said a brochure supporting polyamory. “Polyamory is not a swing club or group. Polyamory is not about recreational or promiscuous sex.” Otherwise, there are no universal rules for “how it works…”
One question. God gave rules for stable families. If man can change them, where does it end? Why can’t they be changed again and again? Will the rule-changing end with polyamory? Will that be the last frontier? Or will something else even more out there on the edge take its place?
Most polyamorous people are not open about their multiple relationships. But with the LGBT movement making huge strides in western nations, this will surely increase the profile of these types of relationships. “Many poly people stay closeted out of fear of discrimination, social alienation or because they simply prefer privacy…” say some sociologists. Though admitting that polyamory can be a disaster (like many monogamous relationship), these group relationships can be a legitimate form of “providing excellent nurturing for children,” they say.
But while some evolutionary scientists say that monogamy is probably not humans’ natural state, “many therapists say learning to control sexual impulses toward multiple people is a hallmark of emotional maturity.” Often non-monogamy destroys relationships because instead of focusing on the primary relationship, partners turn to others for fulfillment. It is a choice “to be with someone else instead of being attentive to your spouse when the relationship is troubled.” Polyamorous relationships, say counselors, rarely work out well for everyone. “It has shown to be damaging and destructive to a person as an individual, to the couple’s relationship and the family unit as a whole,” said one therapist.
No one has done studies on the effect polyamory has on children brought up in that kind of environment. But television is exploring and promoting the concept with shows like “Polyamory: Married and Dating” and “Sister Wives.” So the boundaries are again being removed before there is any understanding of the potential damage it can do.
Will polyamorists soon demand marriage licenses and legal adoption rights, among other things? The U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling on same-sex marriage benefits is seen among “polys” as a sign that society is becoming more accepting of alternative relationships to monogamy.
“And God looked upon the earth, and, behold, it was corrupt; for all flesh had corrupted his way upon the earth.” Genesis 6:12. “As it was in the days of Noe, so shall it be also in the days of the Son of man.” Luke 17:26
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